What’s the purpose of unpleasant memories? In my experience a poor memory is linked to the embarrassment I’m feeling (with and without context) to my situation, or the theoretical scenarios that recruit a sharp focus; yanking muscles in a predictably and public signal of duress. Why? Empathy for oneself is weakness. The fear of appearing weak cannot stop itself from communicating. These “ticks” signal vulnerability should one have too stubborn a spine (to ask for help). Suppressing these “ticks” corrupt the gut because you would rather DIE than be vulnerable. That is what the “tick” signals, a stubborn spine, cannot forgive a mechanism that increases the likelihood of being reprimanded for communicating weakness. Why is there an appetite within our communities to admire strength comically? What’s funny about it? What does weakness have to do with strength? You don’t have the strength to be vulnerable. Why would we require to be “weak?” Would you be the type of person to admit that stubbornness isn’t worth risking your life. I could have cancer right now and I’m scared to confirm it. Why? I have the strength…to be weak.
I would rather die a slow, regretful death with peace of mind, than confirm my fears: I must have the strength to be weak in front of my doctor, my family, my friends, and the world. Cancer has a bit of celebrity to it. It’s kind of tempting to be the focus of attention, knowing there’s a good chance time is a growing commodity (for you). That would be an opportunity to accelerate parenthood or a “crash course” in teaching mistakes you don’t repeat. Maybe I got cancer because I used steroids in my twenties. Why? Gritting through pain lifting weights, avoided me being vulnerable (at a glance); If lies are a way of life, the irony of irony is magic. Dealing with the consequences of poor decisions, knowing (beforehand) you were selecting the wrong answer. I’ve made poor decisions in my life, and I pray to God my children listen to me. You don’t want the death of a child be the price of your liberty to fuck (i.e., abortion). Fuck you Satan. I’m smarter than you. I submit to God. Better to submit than to thrive temporarily. Satan loves to thrive while poor delusional souls pay the consequence (of his inspirations) to God without asking for forgiveness. Weakness is both a good and evil. The differences is you need the strength to know when to ask God for forgiveness. Do you have the strength? Is a lie worth your life? Then why tell the truth at all? The truth is (if dying gets me the attention I need to be happy), it’s worth dying for.
Very selfish John. Vulnerable men are selfish because they would rather die being adored than live to adore their family while they agree to ignore your mistakes. That is why we clean our conscience, to unclog our corrupted gut. That is an involuntary tick that signals duress. I haven’t the empathy for myself to admit I’m scared, and I need help. Why be scared? What if no one I cared about didn’t care back. I will have died in vain. Vulnerable men don’t have the strength to tame a woman’s heart. A woman’s heart is a fucking bitch (and she’s in heat). A promiscuous woman leaps into the fire of wisdom hoping to marry a good father figure. Bitches love the liberty to fuck. Why? No man is good enough. Why? Hypergamy. Where does that leave a divorced man with kids? I bet he’s praying for cancer. Fathers outlive their daughters. I can’t imagine the damage I would do to my daughter knowing she would resent me for prioritizing myself (over her). Cancer is an offramp towards affection. Weak people prioritize empathy at all costs.
Ultrasound, book appointment
July 29th, 3:40pm, mask required.
Dr. Roy, August 3rd at 10:05am.